Contact in communication starts with kindness, empathy, curiosity and your ego put behind, to put it briefly. Talking is connecting, communication is meant to build bridges, not otherwise.
For a longer read, see below.
Words are our power. Whatever thoughts, ideas we put in our words this reality manifests itself in the world around us. Consider always what you say and what words you pronounce. Every word is different, has its own meaning, history of usage and its own energetic vibe attached to it. They say words account only for 7% of information conveyed. Well, I do not agree. First of all, there is a variety of words, synonyms, different expressions to name the same thing, however, the semantics varies, the mood of communication situation shifts depending on what vocabulary you go for. Words are magic and you are the magician, choose what magic you create and roll with it. Be the change you wish to see in the world as Mahatma Gandhi said.
Let’s speak about something very interesting, our curiosity in communication. Recent research suggests that our curiosity plays a huge role in our relationships and how we bond, how we communicate. Studies have found that curious people are more interesting and engaging in social encounters, also, they are more willing to reach out to a wider variety of people. Curious people build better connection in communication and seem to handle rejection and other negative social experiences better. What is curiosity in communication? It is our desire to approach novel and challenging ideas as well as experiences in order to increase our knowledge. Curiosity is closely related to our intellectual pursuits, engagement in the world, people, insights and wisdom. Curiosity is our secret glue for relationships. If we are interested, we are able to cultivate relationships and maintain them. Being interested gets a dialogue going and ensures the healthy dynamics of conversations.
Let’s talk about another thing that is very interesting, our empathy in communication. Empathy is about having the awareness of feelings and emotions other people experience. In order to bond in communication, we have to understand others and we need others to understand us. It’s a two-way process. If we do not show effort people think we do not care. It happens that we interact with each other on a daily basis, but gain nothing from these connections because there is no bond. Thus, we need to choose words and say them out loud to show that we do care, to express our empathy and kindness.
The idea of empathy is being overlooked today due to the fact that society is becoming more self-centered. Many feel that empathy is no longer needed or valued. Many of us fear that showing empathy in serious social encounters will be viewed as our weakness, sensitivity, being emotional rather than rational. Eventually, we fear to be looked down upon because of these fake misconceptions. Being empathetic, being kind does not mean being weak. Being sensitive or saying what you feel does not mean weakness, on the contrary, it is a strength. When people disregard empathy, the quality of conversations tend to take a steep decline. If there is no conversation, people do not bond, they are not successful in expanding their relationships. In the meantime, the modern reality conveys that we are moving from the age of information to the age of relationships, a world where engagement with communities is the golden currency, where emotion and connection are highly prized and valued. We are social animals. People who are able to give emotion and connect with their audience will be the winners in the relationship age. The expansion of social media and the fact that it made it so easy to connect to anyone anywhere in the world gave a feeling of being very interconnected, yet, at the same time provided us with various tools to escape quality communication and true bonding and ability to form meaningful long-lasting relationships. The rise of technology evoked the decline of relationships and true engagement. Most of today’s generation would rather use applications or other forms of media to satisfy the need for socialization than putting a foot forward and meeting new people. Empathizing may be outside of our comfort zone, but once it is done, we genuinely know it is worth it. So, it is still up to us to infuse our communication with empathy. Machines, artificial intelligence, apps etc. do not do that or ever will. Empathy in communication needs to be used daily as it is extremely beneficial to personal connections. Empathy not only helps better understand others, but it helps oneself grow as a person. Continuously practicing this social skill will lead to more complex conversations and broaden the ability to understand others, bond with them and make meaningful, long-lasting relationships.
The last part of effective communication is about ego. Ego follows us everywhere we go, there is no way to exist without it. However, it’s important to be mindful about that. We should not allow our righteousness, self-righteousness, to be engaged or lead our conversations. Ego says my way or no way and destroys connectedness, is not capable of hearing another perspective out, creating growth and new experience. Ego does not build bridges in communication, on the contrary, it blasts bridges out in the air. We need to put our egos behind and let humility drive us. It is for humility and open mindedness to create bonding.
Have you ever had a tense conversation when your body and mind went into “fight or fly” mode? The pace of your speech speeded up and you had this urge to say something tough, however, you did not do it due to the conversational social context. It is true that the reality of our daily communication means that we feel we are restricted from saying what we would like to say quite commonly. Our ego is threatened and what happens next is that:
- We hide
- We pretend
- We defend
- We protect ourselves
- We manipulate
- We lie
Any time we hide, protect, defend or prove, suddenly our ego and self-righteousness get engaged. In these instances, we are prone to a careless usage of language which is destructive and affects our integrity negatively. If we keep using our language carelessly and do not see any big deal in lying, manipulating, gossiping, attacking with words, eventually we start struggling to keep intact with our values, integrity and slowly lose the ability to truly bond with others.
Integrity is something we all need to stay happy, healthy and free. It is about our consistency and keeping in line with our values, principles and beliefs that we own, call our own and genuinely want to keep them as they make us who we are. When we are in integrity, our words, our language match our actions. All instances of careless language usages, for instance, lying and manipulation disintegrate us from who we are and take our peace, happiness, individual power and influence away. Words and language patterns are powerful forces of creation. The reality we create depends on what we articulate.
As a matter of fact, freedom of relationships allows us to freely disagree. It is important that we say what we want to say to keep our integrity, however, we need to say it in a constructive, kind, empathetic way so that we do not sabotage ourselves and the situation by jumping into a destructive personal conflict which ruins a two-way direction in communication.
To conclude, social connection improves physical health and mental and emotional well-being. People who feel more connected to others have lower levels of anxiety. Moreover, studies show they also have higher self-esteem, greater empathy for others, are more trusting and cooperative and, as a consequence, others are more open to trusting and cooperating with them. In other words, social connectedness generates a positive feedback loop of social, emotional and physical well-being.
Let’s grow, let’s bond and let’s be happy. Improving our communication skills is truly worth it!
